Funny stories of sex and dating

You know, like when singles met potential mates at corn husking bees or whatever.

Dating apps have given us unprecedented access to every nut job, borderline sociopath, and bunny boiler in Chicago, and having a nightmarish experience has become some sort of twisted rite of passage. We asked a handful of Chicagoans to share their worst online dating stories, and we were not disappointed.

I stopped to bum a cigarette on my way out and overheard a group of older men who were smoking nearby talking about my date. "As I turned to walk away, he stumbled out of the bar after me -- quite obviously sloppy to the point of nearly blacking out.

One said, ‘That scumbag Chris somehow managed to get a pretty girl like that, and then leaves her standing there. He followed me to my car and got in, and despite my better judgement, I decided to just give him a ride home rather than stand there and make a scene.

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To this day, he ends almost every conversation with ’thank you for not mentioning that to my wife.’" “Recently, I was talking with a girl who appeared to be a great match. After messaging back and forth for some time, she went silent and stopped responding.While the idea of leaving him for dead in the snow was slightly tempting at that point, I helped him inside and got him to his room.As I turned to leave, he curled up in a ball and started crying, saying, ‘Please don’t leave me... I just wanted us to be a happy little family with a baby. I want us to get married and be a happy little family together…’ "A few years ago, I went on a date with a lady I met via Ok Cupid.After answering around a dozen lightening-fast questions, I needed a break, so I decided to turn the tables.I went for the most generic first date question: I asked him what he did for a living. "There was another long silence, and then he began his first tirade of the night: ’I don’t want to tell you too much. Why would I share personal information with someone I just met?! In an attempt to make things less awkward, I changed the subject, and thankfully, our conversation started to flow a bit better for a short while.

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